Come What May

Like every other human that lives on the planet, this year has brought me ups and downs, sadness and happiness, trials and blessings, and everything in between. I've never been one to make resolutions, and I don't plan on making any with this new year. But each new year always brings reflection.

This year has brought many changes. Changes within myself, many of which would not have taken place had I not had my husband by my side. Drastic changes, like my baby being born. Becoming a mother is hands down the biggest adjustment that has ever happened in my life! I love every second, even though it isn't easy, I know that Sade is the best thing that could have ever happened to me. He came at such a fragile time in my life. I've been completely broken by a few of the trials I've endured, and I've never felt more glued together than when I'm holding my baby as he falls asleep, or when he smiles up at me when he wakes up from a nap. I can finally say that I am content. That is a big deal for me!

I cut off ALL of my hair. That is a huge deal people. It's all gone. Honestly, it's taught me a lot about myself. I was so wrapped up in my long hair, thinking that it made me feel better about myself. Then I took this big leap, not knowing how I would feel about myself or how others would see me. And I came to the realization that I DON'T CARE. I don't care what you think about me. I like myself enough not to care. This year has brought self confidence, even if its just a smidge. It's enough.

This year has brought trials, and a strengthening of my testimony and my faith. I can honestly say that I now have a very personal relationship with my Heavenly Father, and that has brought me so much love, peace and comfort throughout this entire year. Each day brings the unknown. I don't know whats going to happen, when it will happen, or why. But I have my faith to fall back on in any given situation, and that will always be something that I will hold tight to.

I have no idea what I'm doing. I don't know that I've ever known what I was doing, or where I was going. I know that I am a mother. I am a wife. A sister, a daughter. All of these roles are things that I've learned, or am currently learning to grow into. And I'm trying my best to continue to learn and grow and better myself when it comes to all of those things.

That's where patience comes in. I've learned more about patience this past year, than I have in my entire 22 years of existence. Patience with myself when I screw something up, patience with my husband and my cute little boy, patience with my family. Patience with my blessings. Everyday I'm blessed, with a new day, my health, the health of my baby, food, water, shelter. I could go on and on. And with every fiber of my being I am grateful beyond words for each of the blessings that I've already been given. But there are blessings that I have not received because I am not ready to handle them. Some that I am painfully aware of, and others that I have no idea are in store for me. Patience has played a key role and has become a blessing all on its own in these cases.

So yeah, each new year brings a lot of reflecting. On where I've been and how far I've come since the last year. It makes me wonder where I'll be next year, and the year after that! But I know that I need to do the things that I know are right for me and my family, so that I can be sure that where ever we'll be, we'll be together and we'll be happy.